My Will in Stars
by DeathandJunkfood
Summary: James and Lily's wedding is finally here, but it arrives with doubts. They've only been dating for five months, they're eighteen, and they're in the middle of a war. They both have misgivings. But, of course, they love each other too. That'll just have to be enough. Part of the Falling 'verse.
1. Fear and Love

**_A.N. This is a continuation, (of sorts) of a short ficlet that I wrote a month ago, called, 'Graduation and Declarations'. However, you don't need to read that to read this. It's also an installation of my Falling 'verse, but it can be read as a stand-alone._**

* * *

 ** _Disclaimer... these characters belong to JKR._**

* * *

 _I loved you, so I drew these tides of men into my_

 _hands and wrote my will across the sky in stars_

 _To earn you Freedom, the seven-pillared worthy_

 _house, that your eyes might be shining for me_

 _When we came._

\- _Seven Pillars of Wisdom, by T. E. Lawrence_

* * *

 _"Lily," he said slowly. "What are you trying to say?"_

 _Lily turned her head so her forehead rested on James' shoulder and she squeezed her eyes shut, frustrated._

 _"I'm trying to say – actually I don't know what I'm trying to say. This is ridiculous."_

 _"Slow down," James suggested. "Just take a breath."_

 _"You take a breath," Lily snapped, but breathed deeply anyways._

 _"I'm trying to say that – I love you. And I'm going to love you for as long I live, and that won't change. Sometimes you'll drive me mad and sometimes you'll probably want to hex me, but I think that we're going to be a part of each other's lives for a very long time. I've known you since I was eleven years old and sometimes I hated you but mostly I loved you. So – James Potter-"_

 _(At this, Lily lifted her head and shifted back so she was looking into James' eyes)_

 _"-James Potter – will you marry me?"_

* * *

 _Two months later…._

It had been a very short engagement. Lily knew that. James knew that. Everybody and their dog had reminded them of it, multiple times. After being given a lecture on the issue by little Fabian Prewett, who had been recalled from Hogwarts specifically for the event, Lily realized that her eyes had glazed over and she was just nodding in a dazed manner. She shook herself.

"Stop!" she cried, holding up her hands. "Fabian, shut up. Your _sister_ got married right after Hogwarts, after a _one_ month engagement. Go bother James about the flower arranging."

After Fabian had sulked off, muttering something about sunflowers, Lily half fell into a chair in the smallest parlour in the Potter mansion. It was papered in light green and it reminded Lily of her room in her old home. A huge vase of sunny daffodils sat on the end table, brightening the room. She buried her face in her hands, massaging her temples.

In some ways, it seemed absurd. She felt young. She _was_ young. No one had been shy about reminding them of that. And maybe it was idealistic stupidity, what they were doing. Maybe they were being too reckless. Maybe they were tempting fate. Probably. But maybe not.

Lily took a deep breath. She'd always been the more logical one. James was all emotion and heart. And she was too, but she could be cold, and clear-headed when she needed to be. Right now it was hard. It was hard because she was eighteen years old, and in love, and there was a war on and either her or James or both of them could die tomorrow.

"I want to do this," she whispered into her fingers as she covered her face.

"Lily?"

Lily jerked her head up to see Euphemia Potter smiling down at her in a kindly way. "Are you alright?"

"Yes –" Lily said, taking a deep breath. "Yes, I'm fine, Mrs Potter, thank you."

"Nerves?" the older witch asked, settling herself in the pale yellow armchair opposite Lily.

"Yes." Lily said again, staring at her hands that were folded together in her lap.

Euphemia was in her sixties, but it didn't show on her face. Tall and dark haired, like her son, she shared his hazel eyes. Her hair was shot with silver, catching the light like pale fire. Her good looks were more elegant than his boyish charm, and her face was fine boned and delicate.

"Not cold feet?"

"Never," Lily said quickly, meeting Euphemia's eyes. "Never."

Euphemia considered her thoughtfully for a moment, before shaking her head. "No," she said. "No I don't believe you would get cold feet. You know your own mind very well, it seems."

Lily lifted one shoulder. The summer sun shining through the window warmed her back, and she relaxed an infinitesimal amount.

"I suppose so," she said quietly.

"Get some rest," Euphemia suggested, standing up. She was straight-backed and tall and Lily envied her her confidence and surety for a moment.

"You have it too, you know," Euphemia said, pausing at the door.

Lily blinked at her, confused.

"The same as James. When you love someone, you love them forever. He's like that too."

Lily almost shook her head but remembered herself in time and forced a smile. "Yes. Yes, we do, don't we?"

Euphemia smiled back before turning away, and closing the door gently behind her.

Lily shook her head. She _wasn't_ like that. Look at her and Sev. Look at her and Tuney. All drifting away and apart. Always moving outward.

She rose from the overstuffed cream couch and moved to the window, forcing open the stiff shutters.

Outside, there was a gentle breeze that hummed through the willow tree in the corner of the huge yard. Its trailing fronds skimmed the surface of the pond lovingly, slipping under the silver water. The huge red climbing roses were blooming and they created spots of dark colour amongst the green of the tall hedgerow.

James and Peter Pettigrew were in one corner, whispering about something. As Lily watched them, James reached out and cuffed Peter across the ear. Peter whacked him upside the head in response, and the two of them tumbled to the ground, arms whirling and good natured curses flying.

Lily smiled, and then bit her lip. Maybe they were being childish, believing this could work. Innocence and naivety were the provenance of the side that they were on, after all. Cynicism belonged to the Dark side. But, Lily thought stubbornly, there was a difference between wisdom and over-thinking something.

She pushed away from the window with a sigh. The Potter mansion was crowded with wedding guests, but not as full as it would have been had James and Lily had a longer engagement, or had it not been a wedding taking place during a war. Most of the guests had arrived the week before the wedding, for a prolonged vacation. It wasn't as stressful as Lily had anticipated – mostly, it was just nice to have her friends around.

Marlene McKinnon and Mary MacDonald were her two bridesmaids, and they were staying in the upstairs attic bedroom. Petunia of course, was not there.

Peter and Remus and Sirius were all camped out on cots on the floor of James' room, and as annoying as it was not to be with James, Lily was almost glad of the privacy that her small blue room on the third floor afforded her.

A few of their year mates from Hogwarts – Lark Rivers, who had arrived smiling and holding hands with Caradoc Dearborn. Bliss Bones, who was tall and tanned and lovely. The Prewett family – or what was left of them, after the death of Mr Prewett. Marlene's younger sister Sammie, who had immediately been befriended by Fabian. The two of them were off causing havoc in the kitchen.

Professor McGonagall and Professor Dumbledore were arriving in six days, just in time for the wedding, and Lily had reserved two of the nicer bedrooms for them, on the second floor.

Lily shut the window, letting cool shadows envelop her. She was getting a headache. Six days to go. She closed her eyes, breathing deeply. She could smell roses and fresh cut grass. Taking another breath before moving, she turned round and flung the window back open, forcing the stiff hinges to move.

"James!" she called, waving out the window.

* * *

The yard was slowly being corralled into shape. James and Sirius had de-gnomed it that morning, and James could still see a line of gnomes, heading towards the forest in search of new lodgings. James' father, Fleamont, had been cutting the roses back, so they didn't fill up too much space, and his mother, Euphemia, with the help of Remus, had constructed a dainty gazebo in one corner of the garden.

He and Peter were pulling weeds at the moment, and whenever James found a particularly pretty wildflower nestled in the grass, he'd save it for Lily.

James was excited. And nervous. And, if he was being honest, he was completely terrified. He and Lily had only been together for five months. Despite having been half in love with her for most of their Hogwarts' career, he was discovering that he didn't actually know his bride-to-be as well as he thought.

Lily, it turned out, hated Quidditch. He always thought it was more of a purposeful disinterest, rather than an actual dislike of it. But on one of their first dates, he took her to a Quidditch game and she fell asleep on his shoulder five minutes in. The balls hadn't even been released yet.

She loved peanut butter. He couldn't stand the taste. She thought that Muggle music was far better than wizard music and she couldn't understand why he'd wanted to be a dragon trainer at one point, instead of following his father into the potions business. James vividly remembered a conversation that they'd had on the topic.

"Your father is _Fleamont Potter_ ," Lily had said, her quill pausing above her parchment scroll. She was lying on her stomach on a rug in the Common Room, James resting his chin on her back as she worked and he listened to her heartbeat.

"Yes," he said patiently. "I know."

He could almost _feel_ her roll her eyes.

"No, it's just-"

She seemed to be struggling for words.

"Y'know how you told me that if you weren't going to be fighting Voldemort, you'd want to be a dragon trainer?"

"Yeah?"

"Well – your dad owns the most successful potions business in Britain. You wouldn't want to take that over?"

"Not in the slightest," James said breezily. "And I'll _still_ get the inheritance."

Lily sucked in her breath. "Merlin, you're morbid."

"Well, it's all academic, isn't it? I'm going straight to the Aurors, if they'll have me, you know that."

She said nothing. "It's just… It seems like you're throwing something amazing away."

James sat up so he could see her face, and took her face in his hands. He tipped his head forwards so their foreheads bumped together softly. "I have everything I want," he told her gently, and some of the worry in her eyes faded away.

"Ok," Lily said. "Ok, I get it."

He could see in her eyes that she was still confused, and still slightly disappointed.

James came back to Peter stuffing a handful of grass down his shirt and cackling.

"Prat!" James shouted, as Peter took off across the lawn.

"Tsk tsk!" Remus called across from where he was festooning the gazebo in roses. "You're about to get married, Prongs, I thought you were more mature!"

Sirius snorted in an inelegant manner. He was carrying an armful of jam jars that had tealights in the bottom, and the ones at the top of the stack looked rather precarious. James hastily removed the wobbling ones and set them down on the lawn.

"James," Sirius informed Remus. "Will never, ever be mature. Not even if he lives to a hundred and eleven."

Remus hummed thoughtfully, waving his wand again. A thick garland of roses spiralled carefully around one of the gazebo posts, and he stepped back to survey the effect, pleased.

"Excellent," he said. "That's that done."

Sirius and James clapped dutifully.

"So," Sirius said, unburdening his arms of the jam jars. "Any wedding jitters?"

"None," James lied, busying himself with the tea lights. His stomach lurched as he noticed Remus watching him with a small frown.

"It's ok, y'know," Remus said, still watching James beadily. "This all developed awfully quickly – it would be natural to have… reservations."

"Lily and I are fine," James said, more snappishly than he had intended. One of the jam jars fell over and shattered on the soft grass. He frowned. That was the first time he'd done accidental magic in years. It was unsettling, and he felt a stir of unease as he stared at the sharp shards.

"James?"

"I said I'm fine."

James stared at his feet. When he and Lily were together, it was easier. Everything felt right, but when they were apart… the doubts started to creep in. They were young, and even though they were in love, (he thought) they barely knew each other, really. Sometimes when he looked at Lily he felt like he was looking at a stranger.

In a way, they'd been closer when they were just friends.

"James!"

James whirled around, eyes scanning the house for a moment before he caught a flash of red in a window on the second floor. It was Lily, half falling out the window and waving at him frantically.

"James!" she yelled again.

"I think someone wants to talk to you," Remus said, starting to smile.

* * *

James hurried up the stairs, gripping the worn handrail. His childhood home was more crowded and warm feeling than he'd ever seen it. It was the Potters' summer home – they spent the Christmas holidays at the townhouse in London, and that's where his parents spent the rest of the year. James had always thought of the house in Godric's Hollow as home, though. He only saw the London house at Christmas, and it was pale and cold, the polar opposite of the rambling mansion filled with golden light and the smell of flowers.

Lily seemed to consider it home too. She was more relaxed than he'd seen her in a long time. It was good to see.

"Lily?" he called. "Are you up here?"

A red head stuck out over the bannister at the top of the tall flight of stairs.

"Come on!" she urged.

Grinning, James hurried up the stairs.

Lily stopped him at the top, standing a step above him, and putting a hand on his chest.

"Hi," she said, sounding almost nervous.

"Hi," he said, reaching up to rest his hands at her waist.

"I want to tell you something," Lily said. James could feel her take a deep breath. They were pressed chest to chest, her as tall as he was, standing on the stair above him.

"Yes?" he asked patiently. Standing with her, now, he could remember all the reasons that this felt right. They fit together, like puzzle pieces, and looking into her eyes, James could see that her nerves and worries were starting to ease.

"I love you," Lily said simply, letting her hands fall so that they rested by her sides. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," James said, wondering.

"It scares me sometimes," Lily continued. "I'm scared right now, James. Are we making a mistake?"

"Hey-"

James took a step up the stairs so they were on the same level. The second floor landing was papered in dark gold, and it felt like they were standing in honey.

He took her in his arms, gently, and Lily relaxed. Her arms came up, looping around his neck, and she tucked her face into the crook of his neck. James held her around her waist, balanced on her tip toes.

"I don't know Lily," he whispered. "Some days I feel – I feel like I don't know you at all."

She pulled away from him slightly, eyes narrowed.

"James," she said. "We've known each other since we were eleven."

"We've only been dating for five months," he pointed out. "I love you Lily, but there's so much we don't know about each other. I guess I assumed we'd figure it out, after we were married…"

"Like what?" Lily said. "What don't you know about me?"

"What's your favourite song?" James asked at random, caught off guard.

"'Can't Help Falling in Love,'" Lily said with a small smile. "Elvis Presley."

"A Muggle singer?"

"Yes," Lily said. "What's yours?"

"'Amortentia'" James said. "By The Curses."

"A love song. Interesting."

"Lily – d'you think this is the right time?"

"For marriage?" Lily asked, and when he nodded, she sighed.

She dropped her head back to his shoulder, still caught in his arms. Her fingers threaded through his hair at the nape of his neck, pulling them closer together.

"I don't know," she said, bluntly. "I just don't know James. But we love each other, and we know we can be honest. If it wasn't the right time… would this be it? For us, I mean?"

James tightened his grip for a moment, and Lily inhaled sharply in surprise.

"Would it be the end for you?" he asked, something cold unfurling through his heart. He was terrified.

"Maybe," Lily whispered, like she didn't want him to hear. "I love you James, so much, but I don't know. Do you know?"

"Maybe," he whispered back. They were holding each other so tightly that it felt like they might break, but the other would hold the pieces in place. "Maybe, Lily."

* * *

 _ **A.N. Thanks so much for reading the first chapter! I hope you enjoyed it. Please leave a review, and let me know what you think. It would be greatly appreciated.**_


	2. Overcoming

The pair of them sat side by side on James' bed, staring out the window. Lily felt numb. They were holding hands, but not looking at each other, and Lily's toes just hovered above the ground. James' bed was quite ridiculously tall.

"What are we going to do?" she asked finally.

"I don't know," James repeated, and Lily felt a snap of anger.

"Well, we need to do _something_. We need to make a decision, preferably together."

James' hand tightened around hers for a moment. "Lily, I just don't know. I don't want to lose you."

"I don't want to lose you either – but we can't go into this doubting ourselves and each other."

"Maybe it's-" James broke off, sounding desperate.

"Yes?"

"Maybe it's the fact that this all happened so fast – that we never really got a chance to be adults by ourselves. We were always together. That can be hard."

"D'you wanna take a break?" Lily asked, looking down at her lap and holding her breath.

Outside, dusk was falling, and she could see Mrs Potter corralling Sirius, Peter, Remus, Mary and Marlene into helping her lay out a picnic dinner on the lawn.

The jam jar lanterns were lit, and the scene was softly golden. She looked away, her heart thudding painfully.

"No," James said immediately. "I might not know exactly what's going to happen, but I _love_ you Lily, and that won't change just cause I don't know your favourite colour."

"It's brown," Lily said softly.

"Brown?"

"Y'know that sort of golden brown – the kind you get when sunlight shines on dark wood? When the wood looks like a light's shining through it?"

"Mine's green," James told her, and she smiled.

"I know."

They lapsed into a careful silence, neither of them wanting to break it. For the first time in years, Lily felt like he was a stranger. It was a terrible feeling.

Lily could hear a muffled sort of giggling, somewhere in the house, and was wondering who it was, when the door burst open and Mary MacDonald fell into the room, fresh flowers sticking out every which way from her riotously curly hair.

"Come and eat!" she said, still giggling. "And help me with Sirius – he keeps charming bits of food to fly round the table attacking people."

"Sounds like we should get down there!" Lily said, trying to sound upbeat. It didn't seem to work. Mary shot her a sharp glance, but didn't say anything as Lily and James followed her down the stairs.

* * *

Downstairs, the picnic had taken on a party-like atmosphere, with Bliss Bones whirling around the lawn with Peter, light music playing on the wireless and drifting out through the kitchen window.

James reached over and took Lily's hand as she started towards their friends.

"Hey," he said, stopping her as Mary skipped away.

"Mm?"

"We'll sort this out, yeah?"

"'course," Lily said, giving him her other hand and stepping closer. "It'll be ok. Promise."

James hugged her close for a moment before letting her go.

"I love you," he said seriously, and Lily kissed him impulsively.

"I love you too,"

* * *

"D'you like the satin bows for the bouquets or the tulle?" Marlene asked, pulling out swatches of fabric from nowhere.

"Er…" Lily barely glanced up from her copy of the Daily Prophet.

"What're you reading?" Marlene demanded, impatient.

"There's been a rash of werewolf turnings… Voldemort's got a bunch on his side and he's using them to intimidate people."

Lily bit her lip. She hoped Remus hadn't seen this. It was difficult to think of the war in the warm golden sanctuary of the Potter mansion. But outside, everything was still hurtling forward at terrifying speed.

People were selling their houses if they were near cemeteries, due to an almost constant uprising of Inferi. Someone had developed Floo Powder that was charmed to respond to each individual, taking them to a predetermined, safe location when used. The Muggles were confounded by the Dark Marks that were appearing with heartbreakingly regularity.

But here… the flowers were blooming and bright, and the sun shone down on them from a cloudless sky and when Lily was surrounded by the ones that she loved, it was easier to forget the ones that were missing.

Marlene thrust a bundle of satin into her face, covering her newspaper.

"Lily, you're getting married in five days. Concentrate."

Lily dropped her newspaper obediently. There hadn't been much of a chance to talk to James, last night, and she knew she needed to.

Inside, she was scared, but she smiled up at Marlene, feeling a bit shaky. James had been a constant in her life from the time she was eleven. Hate that turned to respect then friendship then love.

"Are you ok?" Marlene asked, narrowing her eyes.

"Maybe,"

"You and James aren't fighting, are you?"

Lily sighed, "No, not exactly. We're just… not sure if we're making a mistake."

Marlene dropped the satin.

"Lily… you and James… you're the one thing we can all _count_ on."

"What?"

"We see you and we all think – 'That. That's what we're fighting for'. Because when you two are together Lily, nothing can touch you. The war, the fear, it's still there, but you make it look so easy keep fighting it because you're together. You don't know what it's like, not to have that."

Marlene started to sound a bit tearful, but she kept her chin up.

"You think we would've all stayed together this long if it wasn't for you? With Cami and Anna gone… Mary's shy. Sirius is annoying. Peter's boring. I'm too loud. Remus doesn't take risks. But you and James are our glue."

"Marlene…"

"Talk to him," Marlene ordered, sniffing.

* * *

"Hi," James said, sidling up to Lily.

She was wearing a thin cotton sundress, the shape of her body highlighted by the sun. Her hair was scraped away from her face, but a few stubborn strands clung to her damp cheeks. She was holding an icy glass of lemonade to her temple, but lowered it as he sat on the porch beside her.

It was a scorching day. The grass had started to crunch underfoot, and even the coolest and airiest rooms in the house were unbearably muggy.

Euphemia Potter was the only one who soldiered on – relentless even in the face of the heat. She rolled out the pie crusts, attacking them like they'd done her some grave personal wrong, and even the most exposed corners of the garden weren't safe from her clippers.

Most of the wedding guests had gone off on a trek through the woods, heading to a small, crystalline lake with icy cold water.

There were legends, half remembered about that lake. Some said that it was the source of the Fountain of Fair Fortune. Others claimed that a mermaid lived in it, enchanting passer-by's down into its depths.

James pulled the collar of his shirt away from his neck and reached to take Lily's hand.

It was hot, and slightly sticky, but he clutched it like a lifeline and her fingers threaded through his.

"I want this," Lily said, not looking at him. "I want to walk down an aisle and wear white and promise you the world, and I want to live with you and spend lazy mornings talking about nothing at all and I want to fight this war next to you and grow old with you. And I think… I think we owe it to ourselves. To be happy. After everything… we deserve that."

"You're right," James said simply. "Lily, I love you, and you're right. I think maybe we were just making up problems, so we could have an excuse. But I don't want to make excuses anymore."

"Neither do I," she whispered, setting her glass down and finally turning to him.

Her eyes were a dark, brilliant green. The colour of forest pools and fresh growth.

"I feel really silly right now," he confessed, and she laughed, breaking the awkwardness between them.

"I know. But y'know, I think it's important that we were unsure and then conquered it. It means that we know we can solve things together. After all, we can't be the perfect couple all the time, regardless of what Marlene says."

"What does Marlene say?" James asked suspiciously, and Lily shook her head, eyes dancing.

"Doesn't matter."

* * *

 _ **A.N. Well that issue is resolved. Hmm... what next? Thank you all for reading, and please give me some reviews!**_


	3. Shaking Hands

_**Disclaimer... these characters belong to JKR.**_

* * *

It was Friday, and Lily and James were getting married on Saturday. James was in the kitchen, helping his mother with the strawberries that she was cutting up. He called it helping. She called it hindering.

The berries had been picked from the Potter's own garden, and they were huge, fat things, juicy and red. The smell filled the kitchen with a sweet, fresh smell, and James' fingers were already stained red from them.

"Only one more basket," Euphemia Potter said grimly, heaving a heavy wicker basket of fruit up onto the counter top.

Pausing, she placed a long elegant hand on her forehead, leaning against the counter.

"Merlin, I don't feel well."

"What's wrong?" James asked anxiously, dropping the strawberry he was in the middle of eating.

"Just a bit nauseous. I'm sure it's nothing."

"What's that on your hand?" James asked, taking his mother's hand.

It was a faintly greenish boil, dimpled in the middle and raised angrily.

"Jamie, let go," Euphemia said sharply, pulling her hand away hastily and staring at the boil.

"Mum?"

"Go and get your father," she said, still staring at her hand.

"What's wrong?"

"Jamie, please."

Euphemia looked up and her eyes were teary. James went.

* * *

It was dragon pox. Euphemia was whisked away to Mungo's with none of the guests being the wiser, and James was left to sit and worry in the kitchen, surrounded by strawberries that were attracting more flies by the minute.

"Why are you covered in strawberry juice?" Remus asked, edging into the kitchen and closing the door. Outside, James could hear a spirited de-gnoming session going on in the garden. Someone swore loudly and shrilly. It sounded like Peter.

"My mum's gone to Mungo's," James said, staring at his strawberry stained hands.

Remus went white.

"Merlin, what's wrong? Is she alright?"

"I dunno," James whispered. "It's dragon pox, and y'know, it's more serious when you're older, so I just don't know Remus and I'm scared."

Remus perched opposite him, awkwardly balanced on an upturned strawberry basket and looked at him seriously.

It was warm in the kitchen with the door closed, and the air was sticky with the smell of strawberries. James could feel it coating his skin.

"Your mum is one of the strongest people I know, James. I can't promise she'll be ok but I can promise that she'll do whatever it takes to get back here to you and your dad."

"Dad's with her," James told Remus, picking up a damp dishrag and starting to scrub at his strawberry covered hands. "He said he'd be back tonight."

"Ok," Remus said firmly. "Ok, come on. We're going to the library in the village."

"What? Why?"

"To get _information_ , James. To know what's going to happen."

* * *

Lily stared at the wedding dress hanging of the top of the door. Marlene and Mary flanked her, also gazing at it.

"Merlin," Lily said wonderingly. "It's so _white_. I'm going to get strawberries on it."

"Impervious charms?" Marlene suggested, pulling her wand out and aiming at the dress.

A few minutes later, the dress protected from Lily's clumsiness, Mary and Marlene wrestled it off its hanger and wrestled Lily into it for a final test, just to make sure it still fit. It did, luckily, and Lily yanked it back off, wondering how she would get through the day tomorrow, being stifled by the length of it.

* * *

The morning of Lily and James's wedding arrived. The heat had been broken by a thunderstorm in the middle of the night that had woken Lily with warm rain pattering in through her open window, and heavy, plush clouds still hung low and fat in the goose-grey sky.

It was tender light and gentle storms. There were velvet blossoms in the garden, and there would be a fat yellow moon hung in the sky by night. Watercolour clouds hovered above the horizon, and the forest was filled with pencilled-in trees. The air was heavy with anticipation, like the electricity filling the air before a storm.

Mr and Mrs Potter were still at Mungo's and James was wild with worry. He hadn't told Lily yet, but there had been no word from Mungo's. He was on the verge of going to find her when a barn owl, wet with rain, soared through the open window. James untied the letter from the proffered leg, hands shaking as he ripped it open.

 _Dear Mr Potter,_

 _It is with great sorrow that we must inform you that your mother, Euphemia Alexis Garvey Potter, and your father, Fleamont Harvey Brock Potter passed away last night from Dragon-Pox. Enclosed is a note dictated by your mother in her final hours. We are very sorry for your loss._

 _Sincerely,_

 _Beatrice Cocklesbee,_

 _Head Healer of St Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries_

The letter slipped from James' shaking hands, a second sheet of paper floating free to hit the floor by his feet.

James stood there, motionless for what seemed like forever as the owl from St Mungo's regarded him in a quizzical manner for several minutes before shaking its feathers in a rather huffy manner and taking wing back into the light drizzle.

Finally, he was able to reach for the second sheet of paper.

 _Dearest Jamie,_

 _By the time you read this, both your father and I will be gone. Fleamont isn't far from the end now, his hand is in mine and I can feel it going limper and limper. Jamie we love you so much. I am so proud of you, for all that you have done, and I know that you will continue to make me proud for as long as you live. You have been my baby boy for as long as I can remember, but you're getting married tomorrow, so that will end. And you are getting married tomorrow, Jamie. I've had the early symptoms of dragon pox for quite some time now, and I'd been told that there wasn't much I could do. I just never dreamed that I'd infected your father. I love you so much Jamie, and I'm so scared about leaving you. But you're getting married tomorrow, to a woman who loves you just as much as I do, and that's the best thing I could hope for. Stay close to your friends James, and remember who the real enemy is. Dad and I love you, and death will never stop us from loving you._

 _With all my love,_

 _Mum_

James managed to shut the window and that motion sent him sliding down the side of the wall. He welcomed the blackness like it was Lily's arms.

* * *

 _ **A.N. Thank you for reading! Reviews would mean the world.**_


	4. A Wedding

_**A.N Sorry this took so long...**_

* * *

 _ **Disclaimer... these characters belong to JKR.**_

* * *

Lily found him like that, awake, clutching the letter, his shirt damp, his eyes wild. Her heart broke there and then, not knowing what the problem what, but knowing that James was shattered and even she couldn't hunt down all the missing pieces.

He handed her the letter without saying anything, and Lily took it gently. The paper had been crumpled and then smoothed out, a few damp fingerprints marking where James had held it.

"Oh," Lily said, voice breaking. "Oh, darling."

* * *

It was James who made the final decision on the matter.

"It was what they wanted," he said, throat and eyes dry. "They said so – in their letter."

"Alright," Lily said, having his back, like always. "Time for a wedding. Tomorrow."

* * *

Sirius found her, in her room. She was staring at a hairbrush like she'd forgotten its function, and he took it out of her hands gently.

He slung an arm around her shoulders, and Lily realized that his face was tearstained.

"I was thinking," Sirius began. "Mr Potter was walking you down the aisle, right?"

Lily nodded, hurting for him. The Potters had been Sirius' real family since he was twelve. He was an orphan now, same as James, same as Lily.

"D'you think I could walk you instead? Before doing the whole best man thing?"

Lily wrapped her arms around him in a bear hug, smiling for a second into his shoulder.

"I'd like that," she told him. "Are you doing ok?"

"No. They were my family. But I'll be ok. So will James."

"I know he will," Lily said, picking her hairbrush back up and starting to move it through her hair in long, even strokes.

They were silent for a while, gazing out the window. The sun was starting to sink down through the trees, shining back up through the leaves all molten and gentle. The liquid gold light felt like it was surrounding Lily in a cocoon of warmth, sinking through her chest and warming her from the inside out. Something eased, a little bit.

"You'll be ok too," Sirius told her firmly.

"I know," Lily said.

* * *

The day was edged with grief and joy, two sides of the same double edged sword. The weather was as unpredictable as the day that the Potters died, and Lily glanced up at the sky, not quite caring if it rained or not.

She inspected herself minutely in the mirror. Her dress was simple – long and white, with three quarter length sleeves and a skirt that belled out at the waist before falling to her toes in graceful swirls of white. Despite the heartache that everyone was feeling, Lily couldn't help grinning at herself. A little manically, but it was a smile.

Her hair was down and loose around her face, with two strands pulled back, framing her eyes. Marlene had cornered her with a box of Muggle cosmetics, and the smoky eyeliner that stared back at her reminded her of childhood, and watching her mother, Eliza Evans applying makeup in her bedroom vanity.

Lily was getting married. There was something strange, happening to her heart that she couldn't quite put a finger on. It felt like it was splitting in two and half was being taken away. _One heart,_ Lily thought, smiling a little bit as she stepped into the white slippers she was wearing.

In her bedroom, small and blue and lit with a grey light, it felt as though she was the only person in the world. Until someone knocked.

It was James, and his eyes were red.

Lily met him in the middle of the floor in a crushing hug.

"We can wait."

"I waited seven years for you Lily – I'm not waiting a minute more," James said firmly, pulling back.

A look of something like awe came over his face.

"You – you-"

"Yes?" Lily asked patiently, straightening his bowtie.

"You look – um. Erm. Fantastic. Lovely. Superlative."

"Thank you," Lily said, smiling up at him. "You look wonderful."

He did. He was wearing a neat grey suit and even though his hair was rumpled and wild and his glasses were smudged and his eyes were a bit puffy, Lily couldn't bear to take her eyes off of him.

"They love you so much," Lily whispered. "Them dying doesn't stop that."

James took her hands and took a deep, shuddering breath.

"Just promise you won't die before me."

"That's a bit selfish – you're making me live without you?"

"Come on," James suggested, tugging at her hand. "Let's go get married."

* * *

She was born to be kissed, to be missed, James thought. To be missed before and after kissing. Love in your fingertips. Natural and easy and right. Puzzle pieces connect. Hearts that don't flutter, but drum, steady and eternal and always.

She was walking down the short aisle, Sirius at her side and they were both beaming up at him. Most of the guests looked a bit teary, and Dumbledore, serene as always, dabbed at his eyes with a scrap of purple silk. Someone blew their nose.

Lily was almost glowing, the white dress and the harsh light of the grey sky conspiring to paint her in unearthly radiance. The bouquet of red roses that she held added a splash of colour and James remembered something that a friend of theirs had told him once.

 _"_ _White roses, those are for dead love. Pink means you're hoping for love. But red – red roses mean love is triumphant."_

James wondered if the choice had been deliberate. Knowing Lily, probably.

Mary and Marlene, her bridesmaids, made it down the aisle dressed in steely silver.

The only thing James could see was Lily. Hundreds and thousands of people have fallen in love over the course of history, most, James was sure, with far more exciting stories than him and Lily. There were no new words he could use to describe it, but it was comforting that so many people had felt this combination of aching tenderness and protectiveness and awe and wonder and joy and pride.

Lily was beaming as she took her place next to him, and immediately took his hand. Remus had been ordained through some owl-order course, and he was standing behind them, looking quite official.

James could see Sirius stifling a snigger and grinned at him.

"Ahem. Former classmates, friends, family, a few teachers – we have gathered here today to celebrate the union of one Lily Evans and one James Potter."

Sirius wolf whistled and Marlene swatted him without looking.

"Er – yes. Alright. I think you've prepared vows, or something?"

"Yep," Lily said, turning to face James. Her smile was reassuring and a bit of the tension and the grief eased.

"James. We met when we were eleven years old and I hated you for quite a while."

The guests laughed appreciatively. In the front row, Minerva McGonagall snorted.

"And then… I'm not quite sure what happened. I never meant to fall in love with you, that's for sure. That part was an accident. I never meant to date you. That was an accident too. But this – marrying you, James, that was never an accident and it isn't a mistake either. None of the things that have happened to us have been mistakes. They've mostly been strange accidents – and you know, James, I don't believe in destiny, but with us – it feels like something's been shoving us together. Like Sirius, when he used to shove our heads together. But stronger and more purposeful. And it's wonderful James. Even if I don't believe in destiny, I believe I'm right where I'm meant to be and I'm loving every second of it. I love you so much, and I'm so excited about the decades ahead of us."

"That's nice," Remus said absently as he leafed through the booklet he was holding about wedding ceremonies. James said nothing, gazing at Lily and holding her hands. To his delight, she blushed, cheeks colouring as she met his eyes.

"Er – I guess it's my turn," James said, as Remus didn't appear to have any intention of emerging from his manual. Remus flapped a hand in permission.

He took a deep breath. He'd written his vows weeks ago, but he had stayed up last night, rewriting them.

"Lily, you've been there for everything that really mattered. You were there the night that I was cursed and you dragged me to the Hospital Wing, swearing at me the whole time. And I remember being so _glad_ that I was the one that had been cursed, because I was sure that seeing you in pain would break me. And I remember wanting to be your friend, but not sure how to go about it because I was sure I had ruined everything years ago. But Lily… you never left. Even when you were furious at me, or I was furious at you, you stayed and I stayed because we're stubborn idiots. We're the stronger for it, I think. Anyways. I love you – I love you _so much_ and I know it's going to be hard, and I know we're going to fight and I know we're going to hurt, I also know we're strong enough to make it out. I promise that the rest of my life will be spent with you, because I'm never ever going to leave you."

"Lovely," Remus said, nodding. "Ok. Do you two take each other as spouses, from this day till you die or decide you've had enough, to have and to hold, to share socks and biscuits with, and to feed soup when the other's sick?"

A few of the guests raised eyebrows but no one said anything.

"I do," Lily said firmly.

"I do," James said, taking the ring that Sirius handed him, and slipping it onto Lily's hand.

Lily accepted the ring that Marlene passed her, and slid it onto James' finger.

"You may snog," Remus said with great ceremony, and they did precisely that.

* * *

 _ **A.N. Yay! They're married! And James' parents are dead! (Not that that's a happy thing). Thanks so much for reading and please drop a review.**_


End file.
